Hello. Sorry it’s been so long. I seem to have fallen into DEVOLSON.
DEVOLSON is an acronym I invented that stands for the Dark, Evil Vortex of Late September, October, and November. It’s kind of a homophone for “devil’s son,” which is intentional. I discovered that it’s the time of the school year where teachers are the busiest, craziest, and, usually the saddest.
Whoever invented the school year (and whoever continues to create academic calendars) is responsible for DEVOLSON. There is no greater period of transition and stress in a school year than the beginning, and, conveniently, this period of transition is an 11-week track completely free of any significant breaks.
I’m doing fine morale-wise, but let me show you the kind of crazy that manifests itself in my head and life as a result of how busy I am during DEVOLSON.
1) I almost decided to teach in England next year. Less than two weeks later, I completely changed my mind.
2) My vehicle started shaking uncontrollably one day because I was under the impression that oil changes were a “once a year” event. (When I reported this to my father, I could hear his palm smack his forehead over the phone.) Don’t worry. It’s fixed now.
3) I had a dream that I had lunch with my old American Girl doll who encouraged me to bring all my cats to a hotel in San Diego that she now owned. (I don’t have any cats.)
4) I tried to punish a student for snatching a paper out of his neighbor’s hand by repeatedly attempting to give him a paper cut to show the danger of his actions. For the sake of my job, I’m glad I was unsuccessful.
5) I awoke at 2:45 AM one Saturday night to knocking on my back door and let in a complete stranger, thinking it was my roommate’s friend. We both realized he had the wrong address very quickly.
6) I have almost no money (still) because I keep buying things like this:
(The hat, not the baby.)
7) While speaking to my appraiser a few weeks ago, a huge flaky booger floated out of my nose like an autumn leaf and rested on my chest. I was wearing a navy shirt. He noticed. I died a little.
8) I might buy a house.
9) I just blamed my booger in #7 on an acronym I made up.
Hoping your DEVOLSON leaves you less crazy than mine already has.