Whisper Turtleneck

This story is just more proof that I’m insane.
I bought a thin, black turtleneck this weekend to go under
several warmer-weather dresses that I have because a) I’m a Puritan and adore
anything concealing,  b) layering is much
cheaper than buying new clothes, and c) if I wear thick turtlenecks I will
drown in my own sweat.  J. Crew has these
turtlenecks they’ve named whisper
because they’re thin, and J. Crew can’t just call them thin
turtlenecks because… well,  it’s  J. Crew. 
Also, I was able to use my teacher discount which made me raise the roof
to my cashier.
Anyway, I’m wearing the whisper turtleneck today, and was
walking around the back of the school after manning my station for morning duty.  I walk around the back of the school instead
of going through the middle for two reasons: a) I’m about to spend 8 hours in a
room with roughly 30 people and I need all the alone time I can get, b) the
back of the school looks out over the football field, and in the early morning
it’s easy for me to pretend that the football field is actually an English meadow.
(Believe it or not, I haven’t made it to the part where I prove that I’m
As I’m walking around the back of the school, looking out
over the meadow behind my imaginary English cottage with a brown cow named
Horace, I started thinking about my new whisper turtleneck. 
What a funny name, I thought. Whisper turtleneck.  Sounds
like a command.  Whisper turtleneck or I’ll kill you.

“Turtleneck,” I whispered out loud.
“What’d you say?”
 I looked up, startled.
A colleague of mine was about fifteen feet to my right, by the side of the
building, grinning.
“Uh,” I laughed nervously. 
“Nothing.  I didn’t see you there.”
“No,” he insisted. “You said something.  What did you say?”

You asked for it,
I thought.
“I whispered ‘turtleneck’ because I bought this turtleneck
this weekend and it’s called a whisper turtleneck,” I said.  I laughed, hoping he’d join in.  He tipped his head to the side like a confused
“Wait… what?” He’s a math teacher, and looked as if he was
actually trying to figure out my situation as a word problem in his head.  A
teacher walks around the back of the school by herself whispering articles of
clothing  for entertainment.  If she’s in her 20s, unmarried, and wearing a
turtleneck, about how long will it take for her to acquire 40 cats and be on
Hoarders at her current rate of crazy?

“Turtleneck,” I confirmed. “Welp, have a good one!”
I cackled all the way to my room.


  1. MamaArroya

    I do things like this regularly. My husband regularly looks at me, stops abruptly, and says, "What's wrong?" "Nothing?" I reply. "You looked like something was wrong." "Um, I was acting out a scene in my head; I guess it showed on my face." Yep.

  2. The Young Old Chook

    I just found your blog and have enjoyed it so much! I have found myself in similar situations so many times before. I'm crying with laughter.
    I wish someone would publish a collection of your best posts as a book. I would love to gift it to other teachers!

  3. Jennifer Reynolds

    I love turtlenecks! When my second graders are giving me frustration, I pull them up over my face like Bazooka Joe (you might be too young to understand that reference) and it makes us all laugh!
    Your posts are the best!

  4. Stephanie

    Oh! I am that teacher who talks to herself and has cats. I tell my students I have a a ridiculous number of cats that changes with each story. They think I am crazy, and I guess rightfully so. Thanks for the laugh!

  5. Anonymous

    I need to get some of those whisper turtlenecks. I wear turtlenecks from October to April because I feel warmer and now the added benefit is they hide my old–sometimes weird looking neck. Love your posts.

  6. Shannon

    This may have been the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life! Mostly because I say random things like this too 🙂

  7. Danna

    Dear Love Teach, you are my spirit animal. I think the whisper turtlenecks are back in season, I'm planning to buy one just so I can laugh about this story, and I want you to know you make every day I spend teaching much more bearable. You rock. Keep posting the best blog posts of all time ����

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