9 Ways to Survive When Your School Heater is Broken

How my school feels right now.
I love my school, but our heater really is the worst. In
past years, it would be mid-morning before the whole building was warmed. This
year it decided it had had enough and started blowing out cold air only, like
an obstinate child. I posted a Facebook status about this situation earlier this
week, and was surprised to find how not uncommon it is to have not-awesome
central heating. Freezing teachers unite!
Despite my misery, I have been very impressed by the
creativity and innovation of my colleagues and I for the past week as our
heater gets fixed. I wanted to share ways we’ve learned to cope with our
little Arctic tundra.
1. Microwave a cup of water and dip your hands in
it repeatedly.
Be sure you have gloves or mittens to slip into directly
afterwards, or your hands will be in a Jack-at-the-end-of-Titanic-type
2. Print off blank Word documents and hold the warm
Sometimes if nobody is watching I hug it, too. Heavenly.
3. Hold your hands next to the projector fan.
4.  Assign a student the task of breathing on your
But good luck explaining that one to your administrator when he/she drops
5. Find someone with a class pet and ask to cuddle
The only class pet I can think of at our school is a giant snake, which I
don’t think would be warm, even after Googling it.
6.Wear a headband over your nose. Will keep your
nose warm* without affecting your ability to yell at students who are still
running in the hallways 6 months into the school year.
7. Invest in a Keurig and make a cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate
every five minutes.
Or make yourself a hot
toddy! Just kidding! Wait until you get home!
8. If the heater is broken enough to demand that
you wear mittens indoors, use two Q-tips to type your emails.
It’s not as bad
as you’d think.
9. Create a bonfire in the center of your classroom
using standardized testing manuals and professional development books you never asked for.
Hahahaha. Isn’t it pretty to think so?
I hope your heater is less of a jerk than mine is.
And if you teach on a tropical island don’t talk to me.
*first I typed “news,” as in, “It will keep your news warm,”
and it is still making me laugh. MY  NEWWWWS IS KEWWWWWLD