all day, works on creative writing for my MFA program in the
evenings, and then makes myself some kind of amazing, healthy caveman-diet
homemade dinner to top it all off. But the reality is, once my day is done, I
WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING AND I DON’T WANT IT TO TAKE ANY TIME AT ALL.
don’t even want to chop anything. Did you hear me? NOTHING.
for zero of the foods here. In fact, I think if they knew I was featuring their
products they would say, “Oh, actually Ms. Teach, we prefer to be endorsed by
individuals who are sane. But we appreciate the sentiment.”
Here are five dinners I’ve eaten lately that I’m only admitting to because the vast majority of you don’t know who I am.
This really is the best frozen macaroni and cheese. The Internet agrees with me.
And sometimes I realize the only fancy china I have is a tea set. Oops.
|Yes, that is a sweatshirt on the floor of my living room. No, I’m not sorry.|
that the fluffiest, tastiest brand of popcorn is Pop Secret Homestyle.
It pairs well with any kind of wine, because no wine is bad wine, am I right?
Featured here is a rare Pinot I bought on my last trip to Napa from a vineyard
irrigated by warmed, imported glacier water that has been prayed over by monks.
bill. And got change back.
|Not responsible for words my guests spell with Scrabble magnets.|
If you can eat a normal-sized bowl of cereal for dinner and
not still be hungry afterward, you must either be delusional or weigh only 45
Being a person who weighs more than 45 pounds,
I bypass my cereal bowls altogether when I’m having cereal for dinner and go straight for a mixing bowl. (The smaller 2-quart size, because I’m reasonable.)
Cheerios, or Mini Wheats.
poison, it’s Chocolate Lucky Charms, and I never regret it.
Feel Better about the Pop-Tarts
significantly in recent years, but I stick with plain steamed broccoli to
punish my upstairs neighbor, whose giant boxer does laps around her apartment
every morning exactly 20 minutes before my alarm goes off, no matter what time
I have it set for*.
You can’t really go wrong with the Pop-Tart flavor (I’m
partial to blueberry). But whatever you do, remember this, and repeat after me:
Pop-Tarts without frosting are for people in prison.
Thank you. You are dismissed.**
|My favorite hummus. Too spicy, some say. I say NAY|
Crackers, pretzels, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, popcorn, rolled up lunch
meat. Sometimes I just grab a Pepperidge Farm Pirouette and suck up the hummus
through it, like a straw. HAHA. Sorry. I just grossed myself out. I don’t do
that with Pirouettes. It would be disrespectful.
Well, there you have it, folks. My debut into the world of culinary blogging.
take less than 5 minutes, involve no chopping, and are better for me than Pop-Tarts.
actually like her boxer. I also just like steamed broccoli. But it’s totally
true that my apartment complex is so old that cooking smells and the sound of
human/canine footsteps travel between units effortlessly. Also, I’m aware that
my last sentence ended in a preposition, but what am I supposed to do, “For
what time I have it set, there is no matter”? That just makes me sound like my
body has briefly been taken over and channeled by the spirit of an 18th
century English gentleman***. Grammar is dumb sometimes.
my own reality dating show for teachers.